|
My Friend Needs Help
|
I Need Help
|
GENERAL INFORMATION
SUICIDE FACTS
- Suicide is the third most common cause of death among adolescent and young adults in the U.S.
- Most teens will reveal that they are suicidal; however they are more willing to discuss suicidal thoughts with a peer than a school staff member.
- 90% of suicidal youth feel their families don’t understand them. Conversely, studies have shown that 86% of parents were unaware of their child’s suicidal behavior.
- Most suicidal adolescents do not want suicide to happen. The person who contemplates suicide believes that the action will end the pain of feeling hopeless and helpless or is making a dramatic plea for help.
- Most adolescent suicide attempts are precipitated by interpersonal conflicts. The intent of the behavior may be to influence the behaviors or attitudes of others.
- Not all adolescent attempters may admit their intent. Thus, any deliberate self-harming behaviors should be considered serious and in need of further evaluation.
- Nationally, guns are the most frequently used method among adolescents. Having a gun in the house increases an adolescent’s risk of suicide.
- The largest number of suicides occur in the spring.
- One of the most powerful predictors of completed suicide is a prior suicide attempt.
- Most adolescents who are contemplating suicide are not presently seeing a mental health professional.
- When issues concerning suicide are taught in a sensitive educational context, they do not lead to, or cause, further suicidal behavior. Talking about suicide in the classroom provides adolescents with an avenue to talk about their feelings, thereby enabling them to be more comfortable with expressing suicidal thoughts and increasing their chances of seeking help from a friend or school staff member.
- On the average, every high school will have at least 1 student every 5 years who commits suicide. A typical high school also will have between 35 and 60 students every year who will attempt suicide.
WARNING SIGNS TO WATCH FOR
Take all signs seriously and consider as cause to ask the student about their intent.
Direct Verbal Cues
- “I’ve decided to kill myself.”
- “I wish I were dead.”
- “I am going to commit suicide.”
- “I’m going to end it all.”
- “If (such and such) doesn’t happen, I’ll kill myself.”
- “I’m tired of life, I just can’t go on.”
- “My family would be better off without me.”
- “Who cares if I’m dead anyway.”
- “I just want out.”
- “I won’t be around much longer.”
- “Pretty soon you won’t have to worry about me.”
- Previous suicide attempt.
- Acquiring a gun or stocking up on pills.
- Depression, moodiness, hopelessness.
- Putting personal affairs in order.
- Giving away prized possessions.
- Sudden interest or disinterest in religion.
- Unexplained anger, aggression, irritability.
- Drug or alcohol abuse, or relapse.
- Recent disappointment or rejection.
- Sudden decline in academic performance.
- Increased apathy.
- Physical symptoms: decline in personal hygiene or grooming, eating disturbances, changes in sleep patterns, chronic headaches, stomach problems.
- Sudden improvement in the mood or optimism, or making of grandiose plans.
- Being expelled from school or fired from job.
- Family problems or alienation.
- Loss of any major relationship.
- Death of a family member or close friend; especially by suicide.
- Diagnosis of a serious or terminal illness.
- Financial problems (self or family).
- Sudden loss of freedom or fear of punishment.
- Victim of assault
- Public shame to family or self.
“Teens who threaten to commit suicide are just looking for attention”
FALSE!: Teens usually excel at hiding problems, especially from adults. A teen who is talking about suicide needs to be listened to carefully and taken seriously. If your teen mentions suicide, take it very seriously and seek professional help immediately.
“Asking teens if they have had thoughts about suicide increases their risk”
FALSE: Sometimes parents fear that bringing up the subject of suicide will somehow plant the seed, but asking direct questions about suicide won’t compel your teen to kill himself. It will allow you to help.
“Teens who aren’t successful in completing suicide weren’t serious”
FALSE: A teen that attempts suicide is trying to stop their pain and suffering. Teens who make an attempt are at much higher risk of trying again. Their second attempts are much more likely to be lethal.
“Teens who commit suicide always act sad beforehand”
FALSE: Depressed teens might not appear sad or depressed. They may appear irritable or withdrawn, and may be happy at times. Suicide may be a rather sudden response to a major stressful event.
“Teens who commit suicide spend a lot of time planning it”
FALSE: The decision to commit suicide may be planned – but it could also be somewhat of an impulsive one. Suicide may feel like the best way to escape pain. A teen who has been humiliated, rejected, or subjected to bullying, for example, may think suicide is the only way out.
“Suicide among teens is rare”
FALSE: Suicide is the second leading cause of death in teens. But, most people aren’t aware that it such a common problem. Suicides don’t usually make the news and many families keep a teen’s suicide as private as possible. Teens who struggle with mental health issues like depression and those who abuse substances are at the highest risk of taking their own life.
“A suicide plan doesn’t mean a teen is actually at risk of following through”
FALSE: A teen with a specific plan for how and when to commit suicide is a teen in serious trouble. When a mental health professional assesses a teen for suicide risk, meeting this criteria means the teen is potentially in immediate danger and steps need to be taken to ensure safety.
FALSE!: Teens usually excel at hiding problems, especially from adults. A teen who is talking about suicide needs to be listened to carefully and taken seriously. If your teen mentions suicide, take it very seriously and seek professional help immediately.
“Asking teens if they have had thoughts about suicide increases their risk”
FALSE: Sometimes parents fear that bringing up the subject of suicide will somehow plant the seed, but asking direct questions about suicide won’t compel your teen to kill himself. It will allow you to help.
“Teens who aren’t successful in completing suicide weren’t serious”
FALSE: A teen that attempts suicide is trying to stop their pain and suffering. Teens who make an attempt are at much higher risk of trying again. Their second attempts are much more likely to be lethal.
“Teens who commit suicide always act sad beforehand”
FALSE: Depressed teens might not appear sad or depressed. They may appear irritable or withdrawn, and may be happy at times. Suicide may be a rather sudden response to a major stressful event.
“Teens who commit suicide spend a lot of time planning it”
FALSE: The decision to commit suicide may be planned – but it could also be somewhat of an impulsive one. Suicide may feel like the best way to escape pain. A teen who has been humiliated, rejected, or subjected to bullying, for example, may think suicide is the only way out.
“Suicide among teens is rare”
FALSE: Suicide is the second leading cause of death in teens. But, most people aren’t aware that it such a common problem. Suicides don’t usually make the news and many families keep a teen’s suicide as private as possible. Teens who struggle with mental health issues like depression and those who abuse substances are at the highest risk of taking their own life.
“A suicide plan doesn’t mean a teen is actually at risk of following through”
FALSE: A teen with a specific plan for how and when to commit suicide is a teen in serious trouble. When a mental health professional assesses a teen for suicide risk, meeting this criteria means the teen is potentially in immediate danger and steps need to be taken to ensure safety.
FOR PARENTS
** IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER**
- Suicide assessment are only a tool to underscore to parents/guardians the urgency of the need to monitor their child and seek professional help.
- The accuracy of the assessment is heavily impacted by how open and honest the child is.
- Your child's counselor will give you their assessment/opinion as to level of risk as well as resources to follow up with outside mental health and/or medical professionals.
- Even a "low" suicide risk is still a risk! It is always recommended to schedule an assessment with an outside mental health professional.
When someone is at increased risk for suicide, they need increased support from family and friends. Many survivors of suicide attempts say that when they are feeling suicidal they see themselves as a burden to friend and family, so ongoing expressions of care and concern are vital. Sometimes when parents are very worried, they end up saying, “Don’t think this way,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way,” and they come across not as loving and caring, as intended, but as critical. Children respond negatively to that. So you really need to be as calm and non-accusatory as you can when talking to them.
Show the loveI
It may seem obvious to you that you love your children, and that they know you love them. But when they’re having a hard time, kids need to hear over and over again from you how much you love them, and how much you care about them. It’s not good enough to just say, “You know I love you.” You need to convey that in small and big ways. These days, we all have so many things we’re juggling that kids can end up unsure of where they fit in, and whether you really have time for them. Let them know how important they are to you.
Express empathy
It’s also important to validate a child’s feelings. You want to make statements that express empathy for her distress: “It sounds like that was really difficult.” “I know how painful that can be.” “I know what that’s like. I’ve felt that way.” Telling them not to feel that way, to “pull it together,” isn’t as helpful as saying, “What is it that you’re concerned about, and how can I help you?” If you’re really concerned about your child it’s important that you encourage him to get professional help, and that you convey that getting help isn’t weak, but something you would respect him for doing, and that you would work together to accomplish.
Prioritize the positive
Another important way to prevent suicidal behavior is to prioritize interacting with your child in positive ways. Some times we get into a sort of vicious cycle with a child. The child does something concerning; the parent gets critical; the kid does something more concerning; the parents get more upset. All interactions turn contentious. Interacting in positive ways means doing fun things together, hanging out and chatting about things that aren’t controversial, that aren’t difficult.
Minimize conflict
So choose your battles wisely with your kid. It’s part of normal development for adolescents to rebel, and you need to pick what you’re going to set limits about, and the rest of the time you want to focus on the positive connections. It also helps to try to increase your child’s involvement in positive experiences. Kids who are involved in a lot of engaging or fun activities tend to fare better. Your goal as a parent is to reassure struggling kids that they won’t feel like this forever, and you can help do this by promoting positive experiences. When kids feel suicidal it’s often because they feel hopeless and can’t imagine things being better.
Stay in touch
It’s also really important to monitor your child’s whereabouts when they aren’t with you, whether online or out of the house. You can’t stop your kids from texting and Facebooking and using Twitter. That’s normal social interaction at this point. So you need to get on Facebook yourself, learn how to tweet, learn how to text. And use those channels to stay on top of what your kids are doing.
Know your child’s friends
In the “real” world, it’s also critical to know your child’s friends—to have a good sense of who they are and to have a connection with them. Sometimes it’s harder the older your kids get, but it’s really important you do that. You should know the parents of their friends and be in touch with them, too. And you want to communicate regularly with your child’s school to ensure her safety and care in the school setting. Don’t hesitate to use the school and the people in the school as partners in your child’s care when you have concerns.
Talk openly
But again, the crucial first step: If you think your child might be suicidal, talk with him about it, ask him about suicidal thoughts. Sometimes people are afraid that if they talk about it will make suicidal thoughts more real, and suicide more likely to happen. But the truth is that if a child feels that he has someone safe in the family that he can talk to, he feels better. He feels more understood. He feels like there’s more empathy for him. And that gives you an opening to explain the value of psychotherapy, and possibly medication for the feelings that are causing so much pain.
Find a clinician who’s a good match
To get a referral to a mental health professional, you can consult your child’s doctor or a psychologist at his school. I recommend that you look for a mental health professional who has experience with suicidal teenagers. Not everybody is comfortable with, or has experience with kids who are suicidal. And when you’re interviewing people, it’s important to pick somebody you—and your child—feel comfortable with. So if your son says, “I just can’t connect with him; I don’t feel comfortable with him,” you want to take that seriously. Of course, if he does that with the second person and then the third person, at some point you may need to say, “Well, of these three people, who did you feel best with?”
Participate in therapy
And once you’ve found a clinician, participate actively in therapy with your child. You need to be a partner in your child’s therapy. The more the child feels like you really care, the better. And that’s not just one parent. When somebody in the family is suicidal it’s a family affair, and everybody needs to help out and be engaged.
There are several kinds of therapy that have been shown in research trials to be particularly useful for suicidal kids. One is cognitive behavioral therapy, and that helps change kids’ thoughts, which in turn changes their feelings and their actions. And dialectical behavior therapy is another approach. It’s a more mindfulness-based approach, and we know that that’s helpful for particular types of suicidal kids, particularly those who have what’s called borderline personality disorder, and lots of suicidal thoughts. And, finally, some kids, particularly those who are seriously depressed or anxious or have ADHD, may benefit from medication in combination with psychotherapy.
Take emergency measures
Of course, if you’re worried that if you don’t do something right now your child will attempt suicide, you need to call 911 or take them to the Emergency Room immediately.
Taken from: https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
It may seem obvious to you that you love your children, and that they know you love them. But when they’re having a hard time, kids need to hear over and over again from you how much you love them, and how much you care about them. It’s not good enough to just say, “You know I love you.” You need to convey that in small and big ways. These days, we all have so many things we’re juggling that kids can end up unsure of where they fit in, and whether you really have time for them. Let them know how important they are to you.
Express empathy
It’s also important to validate a child’s feelings. You want to make statements that express empathy for her distress: “It sounds like that was really difficult.” “I know how painful that can be.” “I know what that’s like. I’ve felt that way.” Telling them not to feel that way, to “pull it together,” isn’t as helpful as saying, “What is it that you’re concerned about, and how can I help you?” If you’re really concerned about your child it’s important that you encourage him to get professional help, and that you convey that getting help isn’t weak, but something you would respect him for doing, and that you would work together to accomplish.
Prioritize the positive
Another important way to prevent suicidal behavior is to prioritize interacting with your child in positive ways. Some times we get into a sort of vicious cycle with a child. The child does something concerning; the parent gets critical; the kid does something more concerning; the parents get more upset. All interactions turn contentious. Interacting in positive ways means doing fun things together, hanging out and chatting about things that aren’t controversial, that aren’t difficult.
Minimize conflict
So choose your battles wisely with your kid. It’s part of normal development for adolescents to rebel, and you need to pick what you’re going to set limits about, and the rest of the time you want to focus on the positive connections. It also helps to try to increase your child’s involvement in positive experiences. Kids who are involved in a lot of engaging or fun activities tend to fare better. Your goal as a parent is to reassure struggling kids that they won’t feel like this forever, and you can help do this by promoting positive experiences. When kids feel suicidal it’s often because they feel hopeless and can’t imagine things being better.
Stay in touch
It’s also really important to monitor your child’s whereabouts when they aren’t with you, whether online or out of the house. You can’t stop your kids from texting and Facebooking and using Twitter. That’s normal social interaction at this point. So you need to get on Facebook yourself, learn how to tweet, learn how to text. And use those channels to stay on top of what your kids are doing.
Know your child’s friends
In the “real” world, it’s also critical to know your child’s friends—to have a good sense of who they are and to have a connection with them. Sometimes it’s harder the older your kids get, but it’s really important you do that. You should know the parents of their friends and be in touch with them, too. And you want to communicate regularly with your child’s school to ensure her safety and care in the school setting. Don’t hesitate to use the school and the people in the school as partners in your child’s care when you have concerns.
Talk openly
But again, the crucial first step: If you think your child might be suicidal, talk with him about it, ask him about suicidal thoughts. Sometimes people are afraid that if they talk about it will make suicidal thoughts more real, and suicide more likely to happen. But the truth is that if a child feels that he has someone safe in the family that he can talk to, he feels better. He feels more understood. He feels like there’s more empathy for him. And that gives you an opening to explain the value of psychotherapy, and possibly medication for the feelings that are causing so much pain.
Find a clinician who’s a good match
To get a referral to a mental health professional, you can consult your child’s doctor or a psychologist at his school. I recommend that you look for a mental health professional who has experience with suicidal teenagers. Not everybody is comfortable with, or has experience with kids who are suicidal. And when you’re interviewing people, it’s important to pick somebody you—and your child—feel comfortable with. So if your son says, “I just can’t connect with him; I don’t feel comfortable with him,” you want to take that seriously. Of course, if he does that with the second person and then the third person, at some point you may need to say, “Well, of these three people, who did you feel best with?”
Participate in therapy
And once you’ve found a clinician, participate actively in therapy with your child. You need to be a partner in your child’s therapy. The more the child feels like you really care, the better. And that’s not just one parent. When somebody in the family is suicidal it’s a family affair, and everybody needs to help out and be engaged.
There are several kinds of therapy that have been shown in research trials to be particularly useful for suicidal kids. One is cognitive behavioral therapy, and that helps change kids’ thoughts, which in turn changes their feelings and their actions. And dialectical behavior therapy is another approach. It’s a more mindfulness-based approach, and we know that that’s helpful for particular types of suicidal kids, particularly those who have what’s called borderline personality disorder, and lots of suicidal thoughts. And, finally, some kids, particularly those who are seriously depressed or anxious or have ADHD, may benefit from medication in combination with psychotherapy.
Take emergency measures
Of course, if you’re worried that if you don’t do something right now your child will attempt suicide, you need to call 911 or take them to the Emergency Room immediately.
Taken from: https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
Information on this page is from the Safer Homes Suicide Aware website. See here for more information. Safer Homes, Suicide Aware is a public health campaign focused on saving lives lost to suicide. Our goal is to help you learn practical skills that will help change public behavior on locking and limiting unauthorized access to firearms and medications.
Medications
Suicide attempts involving prescription medications and other drugs have jumped dramatically in the past few years according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
Medications are by far the most common method of nonfatal suicide attempts for all ages and both sexes. Teens who attempt suicide use medications more often than any other method.
Medications & Alcohol: Four Steps to Limit and Lock:
Medications are by far the most common method of nonfatal suicide attempts for all ages and both sexes. Teens who attempt suicide use medications more often than any other method.
Medications & Alcohol: Four Steps to Limit and Lock:
- Do not keep lethal doses of medications on Be sure to discuss all medications – prescription and nonprescription- with your pharmacist.
- Consider locking up ALL medications. Be particularly aware of keeping prescription painkillers (such as oxycodone and methadone) under lock and key both because of their lethality and their potential for abuse. But some over the counter drugs (such as Tylenol) can also be lethal in quantity. In a suicide safer home, all medications (prescription and over-the-counter) would be Medication lock boxes are available online and from many pharmacies. Some are simple lock boxes. Others are electronic devices that dispense daily doses of pills at programmed intervals while keeping the remaining pills locked.
- Dispose of medications that are outdated or that you no longer need. Instructions for safe disposal of medications are available through the Poison Control
- Keep only small quantities of alcohol in the Alcohol can greatly increase the lethality of a drug overdose, and it can make a person more likely to make unwise choices such as a suicide attempt.
Firearms
85% of youth under 18 who died by firearm suicide used a family member’s gun, usually a parent’s.
FIREARMS: SAFER OUTSIDE HOME
The safest way to reduce access to a firearm is to secure your guns for now outside the home.
One option is to ask a trusted friend or relative to hold on to your firearms temporarily. If you do not have a trusted family member or friend that could do this, ask you local firearm dealer or gun range if they would store the guns. If they agree, you will be required to complete a background check to retrieve your gun, and the gun shop will have to log the guns into their books according to federal guidelines. They might charge you a fee for this service.
Another option (not free) is to pawn your guns for a small loan amount (e.g. $100); when you retrieve the guns you will repay the loan and the interest dues (e.g., 15% per month).
Finally, some storage facilities allow unloaded guns to be stored.
FIREARMS: KEEPING SAFER AT HOME
If you cannot secure outside the home, lock unloaded firearms securely separately from ammunition.
Buying a gun lock or safe does not have to be expensive or complicated. You have many types of locks and safes from which to choose.
Your local gun shop or sporting goods store can help you choose the type of lock and/or gun safe that meets your level of security need, the safety needs of the person at risk, and your budget. You can also find articles on gun safes and different types safes for sale on the Internet.
FIREARMS: KNOW ABOUT SAFES AND LOCKS
A firearm safe will give you and your family more security. Remember, for a suicide safer home, the keys to a safe should always be secured and NOT be kept on top of the safe or in any other obvious place. A safe can range from $35 to $1,000+. The price will depend on the type of safe. The most affordable storage might be an inexpensive locking metal cabinet although it would not be as secure as a safe installed in the home or one made specifically to store firearms. It is recommended that in suicide safer homes, firearms are stored unloaded and ammunition is stored separately from firearms. For those who either cannot or will not take this step and insist on having a loaded handgun close at hand, there are small digital lock boxes that can be programmed to be easily accessible to the owner but not to someone at risk. Your digital code should not be one that would be easy for a young person in your home or a person at risk to guess.
FIREARMS: KNOW ABOUT TRIGGER LOCKS
There are two types of trigger locks. Trigger locks can come with keys or with a digital option. Be sure and keep your keys safe and not on the same key ring as your house or car keys. The trigger locks that look like a bicycle lock are the simplest and cheapest … but they are also the easiest to break. Because they are inexpensive, these are the types of locks that are often distributed free. A more expensive trigger lock fits into the trigger mechanism of a handgun or rifle. These work by keeping a person from being able to engage the trigger and fire the gun.
FIREARMS: SAFER OUTSIDE HOME
The safest way to reduce access to a firearm is to secure your guns for now outside the home.
One option is to ask a trusted friend or relative to hold on to your firearms temporarily. If you do not have a trusted family member or friend that could do this, ask you local firearm dealer or gun range if they would store the guns. If they agree, you will be required to complete a background check to retrieve your gun, and the gun shop will have to log the guns into their books according to federal guidelines. They might charge you a fee for this service.
Another option (not free) is to pawn your guns for a small loan amount (e.g. $100); when you retrieve the guns you will repay the loan and the interest dues (e.g., 15% per month).
Finally, some storage facilities allow unloaded guns to be stored.
FIREARMS: KEEPING SAFER AT HOME
If you cannot secure outside the home, lock unloaded firearms securely separately from ammunition.
Buying a gun lock or safe does not have to be expensive or complicated. You have many types of locks and safes from which to choose.
Your local gun shop or sporting goods store can help you choose the type of lock and/or gun safe that meets your level of security need, the safety needs of the person at risk, and your budget. You can also find articles on gun safes and different types safes for sale on the Internet.
FIREARMS: KNOW ABOUT SAFES AND LOCKS
A firearm safe will give you and your family more security. Remember, for a suicide safer home, the keys to a safe should always be secured and NOT be kept on top of the safe or in any other obvious place. A safe can range from $35 to $1,000+. The price will depend on the type of safe. The most affordable storage might be an inexpensive locking metal cabinet although it would not be as secure as a safe installed in the home or one made specifically to store firearms. It is recommended that in suicide safer homes, firearms are stored unloaded and ammunition is stored separately from firearms. For those who either cannot or will not take this step and insist on having a loaded handgun close at hand, there are small digital lock boxes that can be programmed to be easily accessible to the owner but not to someone at risk. Your digital code should not be one that would be easy for a young person in your home or a person at risk to guess.
FIREARMS: KNOW ABOUT TRIGGER LOCKS
There are two types of trigger locks. Trigger locks can come with keys or with a digital option. Be sure and keep your keys safe and not on the same key ring as your house or car keys. The trigger locks that look like a bicycle lock are the simplest and cheapest … but they are also the easiest to break. Because they are inexpensive, these are the types of locks that are often distributed free. A more expensive trigger lock fits into the trigger mechanism of a handgun or rifle. These work by keeping a person from being able to engage the trigger and fire the gun.
Safety Planning
If your loved one has talked about (or attempted) suicide with something other than medication or guns, find ways to reduce access to those methods. Also be aware of all methods and limit access to those as much as possible as well.
When individuals are acting suicidal, the safest option is to make sure that someone is always with them.
It is important to discuss any steps you need to take with your health or mental health provider. Additional steps may also be needed for suicide attempt survivor safety following release from the ER or hospital to secure the means that they used in their attempt or other means they may have discussed or seriously considered in the past.
When individuals are acting suicidal, the safest option is to make sure that someone is always with them.
It is important to discuss any steps you need to take with your health or mental health provider. Additional steps may also be needed for suicide attempt survivor safety following release from the ER or hospital to secure the means that they used in their attempt or other means they may have discussed or seriously considered in the past.